I want to share today where my heart is right now and some of the things God is teaching me. This journey is long and hard and I can not imagine trying to go through it all without my relationship with the Lord. I am so thankful for His patients with me as I struggle to learn the lessons that He has to teach me and is gracious in my sinfulness.
We went to Florida for a week and a half last week and had a wonderful time bonding as a family and learning how to do the fun family things while me miss a huge part of all our hearts. It was a relaxing time but also very emotional. The whole family is very thankful for the trip and we appreciate everyone who helped send us.
All that was great but at the end of our trip I received news of several different things that had happened that really sent me into a funk as I got back home and tried to get back into the swing of daily life. Suicide, cancer, jail all things that truly make no sense to me! My mind can not find understanding in any of these things. Nor, if I dwell on it the death of my daughter.
I understand that there is sin in this world and that is a big "cause" of these things but I have been daily trying to understand why and it has made me confused, angry, and extremely sad. There is a verse that I pretty much say on a daily basis:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
I was in the shower today saying this verse and really thinking about what it means to trust in the Lord. What does that really look like. Then it says lean not on your own understanding. How do you not lean on your own understanding. In this passage it says, in all MY ways Acknowledge Him. If I am truly going to trust in the God that I say I give my life to, I have to acknowledge Him in every moment of every day.
He will be my strength because I have none. He will be my wisdom because I have none. He will be everything because He is everything. I just have to surrender to Him and follow Him. I am learning that as a Christian "my" faith really has nothing to do with me! It has everything to do with Him, my Savior. The almighty God deserves all worship, glory and honor! The fact that I get to be a part of that is an honor but it really is still all about Him.
So as I had just been thinking through all of these things one of my friends sent me a link to this blog. (I know that God has perfect timing but seriously it was within minutes that she sent this!)
http://www.onethankfulmom.com/the-daily/when-we-dont-understand/#more-16794
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7
The part where she says her friend told her, "You can’t have the peace that surpasses understanding until you stop trying to understand.” That is exactly what I have been battling and trying to relate through the proverbs verse. I have felt the peace of God that transcends all understanding through the process of grieving for Avalyn but on those days when I try to understand and figure it out I lack that peace. When I give it all over to the Lord and know in my heart He has a better plan than I could ever think or image that is when I have peace that really makes no sense on a human level.
If you look back a few verses it says:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
We are called to rejoice and be thankful to our Savior. In every situation no matter what, God is there and we can turn to Him even when we don't understand, because in our little minds we will never understand, it will just make us crazy trying. He can give peace and joy that will never be understood by those who do not believe in Jesus. Jesus came and died for our sins so that those who turn to Him and acknowledge we are all sinners and repent and give our lives to Him will go to heaven with Him!
I know I serve a sovereign God and He has a great plan! I know I can trust Him even when I don't understand the things that happen in this world. I can rejoice because He is good and deserves all praise.
I pray that if you are reading this and you don't know who I am talking about that you would seek Him and find Him! If you have questions I am here or turn to the Bible. My heart aches so much for those who do not have a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
Matthew 7:13-14
