Giving And Life; God is good!

Friday was a big day!  Shaun and I have wanted to do something to help other hurting families since we lost Avalyn.  A few weeks ago I was at my friend Amy's house and she just happened to see a post for a fundraiser for a CuddleCot.  Neither of us had heard about it and so we searched it out.

When a family losses a baby they only have a short amount of time that they are able to hold and love them until they need to be given over.  A CuddleCot machine in designed to keep the baby cold, thereby allowing the family to have more time to love on their baby.  In our hospital in Dickinson the only thing they had were ice packs.  We I feel we're blessed to have a good amount of time with Avalyn but not every family is.  To give the gift of time for baby loss families is a huge deal.  Shaun and I both felt this was a great opportunity to bless others in a horrible time.

I also wanted to give a few other things that would help in the grieving process.  I have a group of friends that are AMAZING!  I told them my thoughts and what I wanted and they help me in so many ways to make it happen!!  God is so good in His timing and worked out the details of another friend becoming a Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photographer for Dickinson area as well.  Which was a need.  It is so cool to watch God orchestrate things and pull it all together for His glory!

So, we delivered to CuddleCot and Bibles, bears, blankets, hats and more to the hospital.  I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to spread the word about the CuddleCot and see more machines in North Dakota ( this is the first one in ND) and beyond!  I know that the nurses were so thankful to receive it.  I pray it would never have to be used but know that it will be a blessing if it does.

Can I also say the main reason for all of this was not just about doing something "good".  I included a note and Shaun made a bookmark that goes to the heart of how we have been able to make it through.  Only through the grace and forgiveness of our Lord Jesus Christ.  I have said it before and say it a hundred more times, it is all about Him!  I long for everyone I know to know Jesus in a personal way.  He is not just some guy in the sky!  Without Him we are doomed to hell.  We are all sinners. We need a perfect Savior to go to heaven and to get through life.

My prayer is that the CuddleCot will show the love of Christ in a big way and that it will be used to glorify Him! 

I don't have pictures from yesterday yet but I will post them when I get them.  But this is the machine and a link to the Stories of Babies Born Still website so you can donate or start a fundraiser to buy a CuddleCot for your community!

http://www.storiesofbabiesbornstill.org

http://youtu.be/ni7yVNvmA_E

And I can't go without sharing that today is Ian's 8th birthday. He has been a huge blessing from the Lord!  I love the character that he is gaining as he grows up.  He started mustang baseball this year and loves it!  He is a good and loyal friend and big brother.  He has a sensitive heart to those hurting around him.  God is good and I pray He continues to mold and shape Ian's heart to serve the Lord.

Every year when his birthday comes around it always makes me thankful to be here on earth to be his mom.  This year I still feel that way but obviously things have changed this year and it makes me so thankful that God has allowed Ian and Eli to be here and that we get the honor and privilege to be their parents and watch them grow!  And having our second little girl growing inside me moving around as I type these words reminding me of her presence I pray we get the same privilege with her as well. 

Peace when you can't understand

I want to share today where my heart is right now and some of the things God is teaching me.  This journey is long and hard and I can not imagine trying to go through it all without my relationship with the Lord.  I am so thankful for His patients with me as I struggle to learn the lessons that He has to teach me and is gracious in my sinfulness.

We went to Florida for a week and a half last week and had a wonderful time bonding as a family and learning how to do the fun family things while me miss a huge part of all our hearts.  It was a relaxing time but also very emotional.  The whole family is very thankful for the trip and we appreciate everyone who helped send us.

All that was great but at the end of our trip I received news of several different things that had happened that really sent me into a funk as I got back home and tried to get back into the swing of daily life.  Suicide, cancer, jail all things that truly make no sense to me!  My mind can not find understanding in any of these things.  Nor, if I dwell on it the death of my daughter.  

I understand that there is sin in this world and that is a big "cause" of these things but I have been daily trying to understand why and it has made me confused, angry, and extremely sad.  There is a verse that I pretty much say on a daily basis:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I was in the shower today saying this verse and really thinking about what it means to trust in the Lord.  What does that really look like.  Then it says lean not on your own understanding.  How do you not lean on your own understanding.  In this passage it says, in all MY ways Acknowledge Him.  If I am truly going to trust in the God that I say I give my life to, I have to acknowledge Him in every moment of every day.

He will be my strength because I have none.  He will be my wisdom because I have none.  He will be everything because He is everything.  I just have to surrender to Him and follow Him.  I am learning that as a Christian "my" faith really has nothing to do with me!  It has everything to do with Him, my Savior.  The almighty God deserves all worship, glory and honor!  The fact that I get to be a part of that is an honor but it really is still all about Him.

So as I had just been thinking through all of these things one of my friends sent me a link to this blog.  (I know that God has perfect timing but seriously it was within minutes that she sent this!)

http://www.onethankfulmom.com/the-daily/when-we-dont-understand/#more-16794

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7

The part where she says her friend told her, "You can’t have the peace that surpasses understanding until you stop trying to understand.”  That is exactly what I have been battling and trying to relate through the proverbs verse.  I have felt the peace of God that transcends all understanding through the process of grieving for Avalyn but on those days when I try to understand and figure it out I lack that peace.   When I give it all over to the Lord and know in my heart He has a better plan than I could ever think or image that is when I have peace that really makes no sense on a human level.

If you look back a few verses it says:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

We are called to rejoice and be thankful to our Savior.  In every situation no matter what, God is there and we can turn to Him even when we don't understand, because in our little minds we will never understand, it will just make us crazy trying.  He can give peace and joy that will never be understood by those who do not believe in Jesus.  Jesus came and died for our sins so that those who turn to Him and acknowledge we are all sinners and repent and give our lives to Him will go to heaven with Him!

I know I serve a sovereign God and He has a great plan!  I know I can trust Him even when I don't understand the things that happen in this world.  I can rejoice because He is good and deserves all praise.  

I pray that if you are reading this and you don't know who I am talking about that you would seek Him and find Him!  If you have questions I am here or turn to the Bible.  My heart aches so much for those who do not have a relationship with Jesus Christ.  

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Matthew 7:13-14 

A Big Thank You!

I haven't quite finished telling Avalyn's story.  I will at some point but today I wanted to write about how thankful we are for everyone that has been there for us in this difficult journey.  We have had such a huge out pouring of love from so many people and I could never truly do justice to how much we appreciate it! 

I think it is a true testimony of how Gods people can come together and be there for each other in really hard times.  From the very moment we found out we had lost Avalyn we knew we could call on our friends and they were there for us!  This is something that I have learned from hearing other baby loss mama stories is not always the case. 

So here is a list of all the things I am thankful for from the last few months:

Tim and Delrea, Ron, Becky, Sarah and Jess for coming and physically being at the hospital during the worst time of my life.  

The Youngs for watching my boys.

Jess who cleaned my house while I was in the hospital.

Bri who set up the rest of my guest room for my parents to stay in. 

Kelly for coming and being there for us!

The nurses that took care of us and tried to make sure we had everything that we possibly could to make the situation less miserable.  

Jane for having knowledge of what we would need and being on top of helping us to get pictures, hand and foot prints and molds, the box to hold all her things, making sure we got to spend time with her.

Family for coming.

Lindsey you will never ever know how thankful I am for the pictures that you took!  I look at my baby girl every day because you dropped what you were doing to come!  You did a beautiful job!

Travis for all that he did for Avalyn's funeral.

The praise team for doing the worship service I will never forget for the funeral.

Naomi for making the trip out here to be with me.  Seriously sister I love you and am so thankful you came!

All the meals that were given to us.

Jess for filliing her freezer with all that food because we didn't have enough space for it!

Friends that send me text messages with verses to help me stay focused on The Lord and encourage me to keep going!!!

The flowers that were sent.

All the cards with words to help us make it through!

And little gifts given to remeber our sweet baby girl.

The random card or stop by that always seems to come when I most need them still!

And friends who send us gift cards for food and whatever from far away.

A few days ago I booked a trip for our family to go to Florida!  This is something that was paid for by lots of people some that I don't even know!  If you only knew how special this trip is to us!  We never take trips! Ever!  Unless it is to a grandparents house that is about it.  We are so thankful for everyone who gave money so we could go! Ian and Eli have been talking about going to Florida for months and can not wait to go to the beach and legoland!  I am so excited that they will get to experience this trip! As well as getting out of the frozen tundra of North Dakota and soaking up some sun and warmth. 

Well, I am sure I left out someone and I am sorry if I did but know that we would never make it through this without all of you and your support.

Hope That Stands The Test Of Time and other news!

Happy New Year that is what you say... right... It's a new year so everything can start over and everyone can be happy.  Well this year that phrase has had a different impact on me.  I find myself really not wanting to say it.  I am not "happy" right now.  I am sad and it is hard but I have to say I have joy and that is something completly different.  I have a joy from The Lord that will always reside in my heart.  

I posted on facebook the other day a passage from

1 Peter 1:3-5New International Version (NIV)

Praise to God for a Living Hope

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritancethat can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

I am working my way through the book of 1 Peter right now.  I love these verses! I love that I have been choosen by God to be His child.  I am so thankful for the sacrifice that Jesus made for me to be able to spend eternity with Him!  At the end of verse 2 it says Praise God for a Living Hope.  Thank you, God, that I can go through the worst year of my life and come out on the other side Praising You for giving me a Living Hope!  My baby girl is in heaven and I get to look forward to the day that I get to meet Jesus and my baby face to face!  I am excited for that day!  That gives me Joy!  That is a hope that no matter how much time passes I will always have!

So this year I am clinging to my Saviour more than I have ever done in my life and praying that I can be used by Him in ways that will promote His name and give Him glory!  I know He has big things going already for this year and I would like to share some of those things with you now.

First of all, we want to let everyone know we are expecting our fourth child!  We both new that we wanted to have another child but like before we just left it up to God as to when that was going to happen and here we are.  We are excited but I am also scared.  I am learning yet again that I need to trust in The Lord and know that whatever happens I can praise His name. We told our family on Christmas morning and everyone was very happy and surprised!

Last year I had kind of given an update on Shaun's job and what we "thought" was the plan.  Well, this last year also had big changes in that department as well.  He worked for Sackman Electric as an electrical apprentice.  Although he liked his job there, he heard about a different position that would benifit our family financially and his "career" better.  So he applied. 

In May, he took a job at Lufkin Automation as an automation technichian.  He really liked his job there and it was definatly a step up for him.  It was really neat to watch as God gave him abilities to learn very quickly.  I have had conversations with some of his coworkers and they can not believe that he had only been working in the oil feild for that short amount of time that he has.  I know that God has had His hand on us in moving us out here and in the jobs that Shaun has taken but it is really cool to see in big ways like that!  

So after only a short time at Lufkin he was approached about a position to work at Conoco Phillips as an Electrical and Instrumentation Supervisor.  They saw his potential as well and wanted to use it.  In November he moved over to Conoco and that is where he will be until The Lord moves him.  He again is loving his job and is challenged on a daily basis in good ways.  We love it because he still comes home at decent hours and gets every other Friday off!! 

At the beginning of last year, I had also talked about our remodel projects.  Well things changed from what we thought was going to happen.  We didn't end up doing the bedroom in the basement.  When I found out I was pregnant with Avalyn we chose to finish the bedrooms upstairs instead.  But before we started on those rooms, the ceiling in our bedroom collapsed on us in the middle of the night and put the remodeling of our bedroom at the front of the line.  

We finished our room and then quickly got started on the guest bedroom and Avalyn's room.  Those rooms have been completed and now progress is still going on the boys room (we are sooooo close to being done with their room!)  This year I am sure that we will have more projects.  We have been thinking the kitchen but I really don't want to say it will really happen until we actually start it, so we will see :)

This year I see us serving where God leads us.  I can already see Him leading us to ministry with others who have lost babies.  It is so hard to see how many people do lose babies and there is so much pain that doesn't get noticed!  

I also plan to help in whatever ways I can with the new crisis pregnancy center that is getting started in Dickinson!  God placed abortion on my heart from the time I was a little girl.  I have always desired to help in giving women the truth and I long to see abortion stopped.  It was a passion of mine to see a care center open here so that women would have a safe place to turn for help and I am so excited to see it actually coming together.  There are some great people getting it going!  What a blessing!

I pray we all have a Joy Filled 2015!